It is time to bring the blog back to last year and those life alterations that occurred to bring me to today!

When starting the blog and writing about last year my intent was to share some of the moments of 2017. When you actually start writing you realise how many of those moments there actually are within 12 months. All of which are added to the things that creates the map of your life journey.

ORANGE SIZED OBJECTS

About three years ago I was at my school reunion in Sweden. Coming home to my mums house that night I started feeling unwell. At first I thought it may be the wine, then the food…… and then I got scared. I was in so much agony on the left hand side of my stomach that I could no longer breathe properly.

Next thing the ambulance brought me to hospital with mum staying behind with my two smaller kids. I was back out the following morning with subdued pain and exhaustion, but no real explanation as to what had just happened.

It took another six episodes, or more, before my GP said “you are never sick, yet you keep coming back with these pains”……. In May of last year an ultrasound identified an ovarian cyst the size of an orange. One that turned out to have twisted on itself three times.

Scheduled for surgery the cyst decided to throw me off course one last time and literally the week before the scheduled procedure I had to go for a two night stay in Limerick’s University Hospital, left feeling slightly beaten.

However on the 17^th November last year I had my left ovary and the cyst removed in St John’s Hospital in Limerick and I haven’t looked back since.

LIFE HANGOVERS

Life is full of hangovers it seems and I don’t mean just the kind you would get from alcohol intake.

I believe that there are a thousand and one adaptations, not including any form of intoxicant, which has the exact same effect, as that of alcohol, on our mind and bodies alike.

In recent times I have noticed this effect more than ever before, hence I’m writing about it. I have in particular paid attention to two clear symptoms, similar to that of the hangover;

1. Withdrawal symptoms
2. Emotional turmoil

To give you some concrete examples.

The first one relates to having taken up this running malarkey!! I was never a runner so one wouldn’t expect it to become or have the effects of an intoxicant. But it has and this is where I can clearly relate to the withdrawal symptoms. When I don’t get to go out for one of my runs I get irritable, critical of both myself and (oops) others and it can even go so far as me considering some self-sabotage – becoming a couch potato. This has led to those around me knowing that I need to be given the time to get some running done!!!

The second example relates to something totally different. During my journey to finding my me I have put myself in situations which has brought out a part of me that I didn’t think was me. Not sure if this makes sense to others……?

It has been more than just going outside of my comfort zone. It has been breaking my own rules and principles. Breaking the rules I think others have placed on me….. the expectations others have of my behaviour.

What I am describing is simply being BOLD!!!! Well at least I think I have been!!

An example of  this little would be something as simple as putting myself and something I want to do before my kids or sharing my opinion with oompf!!

Oh and when I do I feel highly intoxicated….. positively drunk.

However when I wake up the day after, I suffer that hangover! Depending on the level of boldness the grade of hangover varies. But it does leave me in emotional turmoil, where I have to battle with the rollercoaster of classic day after feelings such as what did I do, who am I, is this really me or was it a moment of weakness….. I shouldn’t have drank that much…..

In essence the instigator of the hangover has, at first, an intoxicating effect and lets me enter a state of euphoria. When the cold light of day shines on it….. doubt creeps in and I am hungover.

Maybe these intoxicants are not bad influence and when I finally break those rules am I really finding MY ME? A me slightly different from the one that I have known, from the one I was.

This brings me to think of the song lyrics of the amazing Mandy Harvey;

“Cause I know the only thing in my way – is me”

 

 

EUROVISION 

Even writing the work Eurovision puts a smile on my face and I hear the theme tune in my head! I love great music…… and at the very same time I love the Eurovision Song Contest.

For me it is about childhood memories where we used to, as a family, religiously watch the show every year. In Sweden we would (still do) make a big deal of selecting our song for the competition and I think nearly the full Swedish population would be watching it in anticipation.

Mum used to make prawn sandwiches, very fancy ones, and my parents would have wine and me and my brothers would get fizzy drinks and sweets.

For the last few years I am recreating these memories with my two daughters. So last night we ate a tasty dinner in front of the TV, then put out an excessive spread of sweets and treats before we glued ourselves to the couch to watch the show.

During the show we danced, laughed, sang and then danced some more!!! All this whilst supporting both Sweden and Ireland to win!

I probably shouldn’t say this out loud but I have documented on my bucket list that I will someday get to go to the live shows!!