Is it possible to get writers block after just five blog posts……..? I actually don’t think so but there are times when what you really want to write down on paper is not ready to be shared. I have had a few of those weeks…. Where the stories were just for me.

However, I have over this time been thinking of how to keep the blog alive so it doesn’t sleep and I’m thinking that I could possibly STOP putting pressure on myself as to what I write about or how long the posts are and just share some smaller notes and thoughts.

So I am going to give that a try!!!

This blog post will talk about three different stories;

1. Tattoos
2. Hide & Seek
3. Time Out

So let’s start with the 3 tattoos……. The minute I turned 18 I turned rebel. But only against one person really – my mum. So outside of moving out of home I also got a tattoo and a tongue piercing!! The latter removed but the first remain. The Chinese sign for woman, which is still quite suitable to me in context of really believing in the empowered woman and her importance!!

But more relative to the story is that I decided in December 2016 to get a tattoo. Well I had decided before that but it was in December I booked it in, Christmas spirit and all that. This time I chose some wise words, often said to me by someone I truly value as someone who knows who I am and what I am about. Often receiving a text message or call saying “Well, how is life in the Fastlane today?” I thought if I have a life motto or simply a way about me that this phrase is it….which will even lead me to write about my second topic – hide and seek. So my choice of tattoo became, as seen in the picture below, Living life in the fast lane, written on my left lower arm. This saying means a lot to me and the values I hold for the opportunities we are given! Take them and go with them! We only have one chance to overtake ourselves – breaking our comfort zones.

There were some initial shock factor, I think my dear mum (now my best friend by the way) was more taken aback by this one then the one I decided to get done when I was 18!! “You can see it, it’s quite big, you’re a mum, and you’re a business woman”…… lots of commentary. I remember a friend and work colleagues’ reaction too – “it’s the midlife crisis, you’ve entered into it early.” J That made me laugh.

Now if it is a midlife crisis one would like to know how long it’s going to last because I think I’m still in it…. I got another one last Christmas J This time I chose birds…… symbolic, present and to me the sign of movement and having a way forward. 5 is the number of them that I put there which at the time had no significance it just looked good but now means more….. 5 members in my childhood family and 5 in my family now….. My strength – 5.

Now getting a second one, at my mere young age of 38, was seriously upsetting to some more people, my nearest in particular! The statements started to sound more like… Yeah it’s nice but….. That’s probably enough now. Hmmm, I don’t like to this day being told what to or what not to do so the plan (mad or not) is to get one this Christmas and finish off my tattoo series ahead of my 40^th birthday, wait, until the day I turn 80 when I will on my right arm tattoo “Time to slow down”.

Hide & Seek

So on the note of living life in the fast lane….. in one of my earlier blogposts I mentioned that I last January made the conscious decision to step back and I know that looking from the outside it probably looked like I did the opposite.

There are two main factors that have always played part in my ability to cope with stress and undue pressures;

1. Laughter and humour. Put me under stress and I will turn into a stand-up comedian.
2. Hiding behind something…. Simply keeping myself busy

Last year was no different although, in my own opinion, I did take a step back. In January 2017 I started the roll out of a Health & Wellbeing programme through my role as a health and wellbeing officer of our local GAA Club, CLG Cuar an Chlair. I gathered a team and set out on a journey with them which was, has been and still is amazing.

I have learnt so much through what this, now award winning, programme has brought to me as well as other people in our community.

That is why I look at that project as a hide and seek. Although I hid behind it, as a coping mechanism, I did manage to seek out pieces of me throughout… so there is something to the saying “Seek and you shall find”…… This inability to be with just me does lead me into talking about my final topic in this blog (which now is far from short)……

Time Out

A few days ago I had a work project a bit from home and agreed with my family that this was now an apt opportunity for ME time. Scary prospect to be with just me, but it was a few of the most amazing days I working mum, living in the fast lane could ask for….. I worked by day and by night I cooked healthy meals, watched a full season of a girly series, read my books in front of lit fires and so on. At the weekend I took in the most amazing scenery by hiking up to the highest point in Clare, Moylussa, which I fitted in twice (bum muscles so not used to that) followed by a lengthy walk to the farmers market in Killaloe and the (not so sure about this one) Brian Boru Fort….. I also had time to bake some treats, sit out (during the coldest weather) and eat my lunch in the beautiful suntrap of a garden I was blessed to stay in.

I can write about this experience alone over several pages or blogs but it was magic and the Airbnb place that I found to stay in was equally magic. I would recommend it warmly for a retreat of this kind, whether on your own or with a friend. What I also realised was that I can actually be with myself now…. That is a drastic change that shows the place I have reached since starting my journey.

The landlady that I stayed with said to me before heading off that she was pleasantly surprised at the fact that I, of my age (I think she meant so youthful), was able to spend this time with me without bottling up….

On my way back to reality and the day life I made one final stop for ME. I collected a beautiful commissioned reflective self-portrait which was painted by a very talented lady, Clare Hartigan. The first draft of this painting was painted like you see on the left below and when I received it there was just something that didn’t fit. I asked Clare if I could look at it for a few days and get back. By the time I did she had changed the whole image to what is now hanging on the wall…. And I cried when I saw it. (To the right below.)

There are a few beautiful sentiments with this which makes it even more valuable to me……

Firstly the other me, the original image, is still behind it, which has depth and then in Clare’s words; “I feel like your head was telling me one thing and your heart was telling me another …. I listened to your head but when I showed it to you I felt your heart was very honest in its response. Your heart told me what you see now.”

So finishing with a thank you to Clare for finding this me…..